If you are concerned with being a good step dad, you’re not alone. Just as the role of being a parent is confusing, exhausting, rewarding, and not for the faint of heart, being a step parent is even more of a challenge in many ways. Biological parents have the blessing of developing their relationship with their biological child over the course of time. Step parents enter a step child’s life, and it feels like a sink or swim situation. The counselors at The Center for Family Unity can help you understand how to be the good step dad you want to be. Here are ten tips to keep in mind:
- Be trustworthy. When you make a promise, follow through.
- Be clear on your role when it comes to discipline. Your wife should discipline her biological children. Your role is to support her as she does.
- Treat your step child with respect. They may not remember what you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
- Stay in your role as a step dad, not a biological father. Don’t ask your step child to call you “Dad.” Biological parents and their children are wired by nature to have a unique relationship.
- Encourage your step child to love, respect, and honor their biological father, even if you think he does not deserve it. It is important for the health and development of your step child to love and respect their biological parents.
- Don’t expect your step child will want to share your interests. You may love hunting deer in the rugged mountains, but your step son may prefer mastering a computer game. Allow room for different interests.
- Talk with other step fathers that have good relationships with their step children and ask them for relationship-building tips.
- If your step child is female, know up front she is likely to find it difficult to be close to you. It is part of the great mystery of the sexes. You will never understand it, any more than you understand other mysteries of the opposite sex.
- You may have years of experience as a biological parent, and find not much of your expertise transfers to being a step parent. Decide to be okay with that.
- Keep your expectations realistic.
The Center for Family Unity can help you learn to live your role as a step father, with a clear understanding of what goes into being a good step father, and how you can invest in and enjoy your role. The counselors can clarify some of the confusing realities that confront blended families. Many step parents find it comforting to learn that the difficulty they have experienced is common to most blended families, and more importantly, that there are solutions that foster good relationships. Give us a call to discuss your concerns and to learn more about how our approach can help.
