After divorce, it can be tempting to stay stuck in your yuck. Sometimes, repeating the same stories over and over again and staying emotionally broken feels easier than doing the hard work of moving on. But it’s not. The truth is that if you continue re-living and clinging to what is no longer your reality, you won’t be able to open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be better, brighter days ahead – if you create space in your life for them. There are new friendships to be made, new relationships to enjoy, career options that can delight you and fulfilling activities that can help you rediscover your joy. Your job is to purpose to look for them—expectantly. You can create amazing life experiences when you rely on God’s peace, power and direction.
Select Friends and Companions Carefully
We can’t easily change other people, but we can change the people we associate with. If your social group isn’t supportive of you, or if it tends to wallow in self-pity, realize you have a choice in your life about who you spend time with. Choose to socialize with introspective, loving people who accept responsibility for their own behavior and proactively move ahead in transforming their lives. It is said that you become like the five people you spend the most time with, so choose your circle carefully. Move out of the blame game and surround yourself with positive people with high self-esteem who can appreciate you—with all your assets and baggage—as the wonderful person you are. You may find these people where you least expect them, so step out of your comfort zone and be receptive to new friends and new experiences in new places.
Allow Change into Your Life
Life is always filled with changes, not just during divorce. Get comfortable with the fact that there are more unknowns ahead and that change is inevitable. While dark periods are tough to handle, realize this too will pass. There will be better days and new relationships. Listen to your self-talk. Let go of the limiting beliefs you have about yourself. When you catch yourself in doubt, fear or put-down language, become aware of that message and consciously refute it. Take your thoughts captive! Determine what you want to change about yourself from within and relax about controlling circumstances around you. When you come to accept the reality of changes in your life, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and those around you.
Life is about choices and decisions. Use your divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Choose to be the person God wants you to become. Then watch how circumstances around you settle into place more harmoniously than you ever expected.
Receiving counseling from a Licensed Marriage Therapist in San Diego at The Center for Family Unity can help you move on from painful memories and loss from the past. To make an appointment, call us at 619-884-0601.
