While lying is considered a normal part of growing up, it should not be ignored. To promote truth telling in your family, take the following steps next time your child lies:
Consider your child’s age and mental capacity, and respond accordingly.
Try to understand your child’s motivation for telling a lie. What is the goal?
Give your child an opportunity to tell the truth and celebrate when they do.
Examine your parenting style. Are your children secure in telling you the truth?
If you are wondering how to fix your marriage, be encouraged! It shows you are aware things need to change in a marriage that just isn’t working anymore. The fact you are looking for a solution to fix your marriage shows you believe (at least to some degree) that it can be fixed. This is an excellent starting point. Good for you for considering your marriage worthwhile enough to find out how to fix it.
You may have tried a number of things to fix the problem and found that nothing seems to work—and the situation has yet to improve. It’s discouraging to clearly see what’s wrong and not have any idea of how to fix your marriage. Often, the longer the situation goes on, the more unbearable it becomes.
Considering Professional Help
You are not alone in reaching this point. Many couples in a troubled marriage find themselves in the same position. The couples that decide to get professional help stand a far better chance of restoring their marriage as opposed to those that forgo professional help. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists reports 98% of the couples utilizing services provided by family therapists rated the services from good to excellent, and received the help they needed. In addition, after working with a marriage or family therapist, 93% of patients said they had more effective tools for dealing with their problems.
There is no magic bullet when it comes to fixing a marriage. It took time to create this web of frustration and it will take some time to clear it away. That’s why it’s really important to begin working with a marriage or family therapist as soon as you’re both willing to do so—as you don’t want to wait until one of you is so disheartened that you’ve given up and decided you are unwilling to even try anymore.
Taking the Right Steps
The fix your broken marriage, we encourage you to take a few steps, right now. First, complete the following sentences so that you can really clarify the concerns you have about your marriage. Then, contact us to schedule a free 15 minute consultation so you can see how we can help you with your desire to find out how to fix your marriage.
The biggest problem in my marriage is ____________________________.
I can’t forgive my spouse for____________________________________.
I would love my spouse to _____________________________________.
When we have a conflict ______________________________________.
I need help with _____________________________________________.
The counselors at The Center for Family Unity have extensive training in couples counseling and marital therapy. We have helped countless couples turn their marriages around. It’s your turn.
If you are concerned with being a good step dad, you’re not alone. Just as the role of being a parent is confusing, exhausting, rewarding, and not for the faint of heart, being a step parent is even more of a challenge in many ways. Biological parents have the blessing of developing their relationship with their biological child over the course of time. Step parents enter a step child’s life, and it feels like a sink or swim situation. The counselors at The Center for Family Unity can help you understand how to be the good step dad you want to be. Here are ten tips to keep in mind:
Be trustworthy. When you make a promise, follow through.
Be clear on your role when it comes to discipline. Your wife should discipline her biological children. Your role is to support her as she does.
Treat your step child with respect. They may not remember what you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Stay in your role as a step dad, not a biological father. Don’t ask your step child to call you “Dad.” Biological parents and their children are wired by nature to have a unique relationship.
Encourage your step child to love, respect, and honor their biological father, even if you think he does not deserve it. It is important for the health and development of your step child to love and respect their biological parents.
Don’t expect your step child will want to share your interests. You may love hunting deer in the rugged mountains, but your step son may prefer mastering a computer game. Allow room for different interests.
Talk with other step fathers that have good relationships with their step children and ask them for relationship-building tips.
If your step child is female, know up front she is likely to find it difficult to be close to you. It is part of the great mystery of the sexes. You will never understand it, any more than you understand other mysteries of the opposite sex.
You may have years of experience as a biological parent, and find not much of your expertise transfers to being a step parent. Decide to be okay with that.
Keep your expectations realistic.
The Center for Family Unity can help you learn to live your role as a step father, with a clear understanding of what goes into being a good step father, and how you can invest in and enjoy your role. The counselors can clarify some of the confusing realities that confront blended families. Many step parents find it comforting to learn that the difficulty they have experienced is common to most blended families, and more importantly, that there are solutions that foster good relationships. Give us a call to discuss your concerns and to learn more about how our approach can help.
Bonding with stepchildren isn’t always easy. Often, it takes more time than parents wish it did. Instead of trying to rush the process of becoming close, counselors at The Center For Family Unity encourage you to:
Enjoy your alone time, knowing no one expects you to do everything
Continue to engage in the meaningful activities you did with your biological children prior to your marriage.
Allow opportunities for each child to express their uniqueness, instead of deciding one activity fits all.
Take note when the children show shared interest in something spontaneously without your prompting. And do it again.
The process of bonding with stepchildren can be confusing and discouraging—especially when well-meaning intentions backfire. To learn how you can foster closeness in your blended family, contact The Center For Family Unity at 619-884-0601 or visit us at TheCenterForFamilyUnity.com.
Does your son or daughter react to situations in a noticeably different way than his or her peers? You’re not alone. We hear parents express this concern often at The Center For Family Unity. Treating anxiety in children is different than treating anxiety in adults.
Anxious children often express their fears to their parents in one or more of the following manners. Do your children:
– Cling to you?
– Expect the worst?
– Clench their fists, look frightened, and tighten their muscles?
– Pretend to be sick?
– Lack energy?
– Forget what they have learned?
– Procrastinate?
– Resist making decisions because they fear they might be wrong?
– Check, re-check, and check again to make sure everything is perfect?
If your child’s fear seems out of proportion to a situation, and if their fear is interfering with their ability to have good relationships with friends and family, you may want to consider having your child treated for anxiety. Meanwhile, we hope you’ll find comfort in knowing there are many ways parents can help their anxious children.
Tell your child their “fear” is caused by something called “” Explain you are going to help them learn how to send “anxiety” away when they don’t want “anxiety” to visit.
Ask your child to give their “anxiety” a silly name. It will make it easier for them to talk about their experience.
Learn to recognize signs indicating your child is starting to feel anxious.
Develop a bedtime routine practicing ways to relax such as deep breathing. This will enable your child to master the ability to calm themselves.
Introduce your child to books with a story line about children or animals that master their fears.
Help your child to learn and use positive self-talk, and to see the connection between their negative self-talk and their anxiety.
Listen to their thoughts and feelings, without needing to change them. Reflect them back, while comforting them to help them feel safe.
Explain the physical feelings they experience when they are anxious, are not actually harmful.
If you suffer from anxiety, get help to manage your own anxiety. What you learn has the potential to help your entire family.
Read Why Smart Kids Worry and What Parents Can Do To Help, by Edwards, and Monsters Under the Bed and Other Childhood Fears by Garber, Garber, and Spizman.
Keep a daily routine. Anxious children cope better with structure.
Maintain a regular bed time. Fatigue increases anxiety.
Encourage your child to exercise daily so they can relieve stress naturally.
Raising an anxious child can be exhausting and confusing. The Center for Family Unity is available to help you and your child learn ways to firmly shut the door, so anxiety is not allowed to visit. For more information or to schedule your first appointment, call us at 619-884-0601.
