by admin | Jun 12, 2015 | Marriage Counseling
Going through a divorce can be emotionally devastating for everyone involved. Partners and their children will have their lives shattered by the loss of trust and security resulting from such a brutal decision. Not only can a divorce create an emotional toll, but for most it will leave a financial scar, as well. In fact, a recent article by Erica Sandberg on CreditCards.com discusses the hard truth about divorce:
Breaking up is not only hard to do, it can be brutal on your finances.
Legal fees and creating two households from one are just the initial costs of separation. And while some expenditures are necessary, others can be emotionally charged and careless and can lead to serious debt.
Here are seven common ways divorced couples can get into big financial trouble after a split:
- Ignorance. While a divorce decree may specify who is to pay what account, it carries little weight with lenders.“The most frequent mistake of all after divorce is assuming that because the ex has been the one ordered to pay back the debt in the divorce, they are off the hook for it,” says Lisa Decker, an Atlanta-based certified divorce financial analyst. “Most people do not understand that courts do not have the authority to make creditors abide by a judge’s orders in adivorce.” If possible, delete jointly held debts before leaving, then close all cosigned accounts…Read More
Divorce happens, but it doesn’t have to be inevitable. With a commitment to communication and the guidance of a marriage counselor, even the most difficult marital problems can be overcome.
by admin | Jun 12, 2015 | Family Counseling
How does family disunity (lack of unity caused by disagreement or a difference of
opinion) affect your business profitability?
Our homes should be our refuge, however when there is fighting and tension it is
anything but. When we work from home it can be hard to separate the tension from your
business success and motivation.
How can you have a “get er done” attitude when the tension lingers all around you, even
when no one is home. It’s like a black cloud following you around making it difficult to
shift into your business self.
Family Unity is the key to your sense of well being not only as a successful business
person but also as a wife and mother. Women of today have so many roles, many layers
of self which all interconnect. Women are connectors, relaters, and the glue that holds the
family together. But even super glue loses it bond and needs other pieces to join with it
for support. Even if you are not married, we are all part of a family. Unity means being in agreement,
in harmony and of one accord. How is this possible?
Strong families recognize that there are benefits and pleasures to be gained from time and
activities together. They also realize that they have contributions to make to the family
and its members and some obligation to do so. They value the family bond and make
efforts to preserve time together for family activities and interaction.
Families that value unity will, from time-to-time, evaluate the time and energy allocated
to family, and when necessary, makes needed adjustments.
By spending pleasant, positive time together, families build up a reserve of good feelings.
When trouble comes, it has to be shared with the family and resolved.
What families do together does not matter so much as that they do something together
that is mutually planned and enjoyable. As a general principle, it is probably a good idea
to strive for a balanced activity program, including active and inactive, physical and
mental, old and new, at home and away, work and play. Spontaneity, humor, wit, and fun
are goals to strive for.
Family unity includes time that family members spend together, both quality and
quantity. It means maintaining family identity and togetherness, balancing family
priorities with support for member needs, producing strong family bonds, and freedom
for individual self-expression.
by admin | Jun 12, 2015 | Family Counseling
In a previous post, we talked about building trust in families and how that was an important part
of creating an atmosphere of teamwork in your home. In this post, we will talk a little bit about
another crucial part of creating a team – being ok with conflict.
What does it look like when family’s are NOT ok with conflict?
Families that aren’t ok with conflict might get bored with each other. If they have family meetings,
the meetings might seem kind of superficial. There may be a lot of talking about other members
behind each other’s backs. Families that aren’t ok with conflict might avoid discussing important
topics because they are controversial and they might not share (or ask for) the opinions of other
people in their family.
What does it look like when family’s ARE ok with conflict?
Families that are ok with conflict are able to disagree respectfully with each other. They
understand that people have different ideas and opinions and that being able to voice our
opinions gives us a feeling of importance and belonging to a group. Families that are ok with
conflict are able to “clear the air” of resentments. They understand that sometimes disagreements
can act to motivate us to change. Families that are ok with conflict also look for “win-win”
solutions, rather than “win-lose” or “lose-lose (often veiled as compromise)” solutions. When they
disagree, they try to hear the other side, rather than try to “win” the fight.
Ways you can be “ok with conflict” in your family.
In the Five Dysfunctions of a team by Patrick Lencioni, conflict is described as a continuum with
“artificial harmony” on one end and “mean-spirited personal attacks” on the other. Healthy teams
shoot for a spot on the Harmony side near the middle.
Every family has certain rules that are not negotiable. But often parents turn everything into a
“nonnegotiable,” forcing other members of the family into feeling like they have no control. When
it comes to things like choosing what is for dinner, or how to spend a Saturday afternoon,
welcome feedback and debate! It will build on trust and foster communication, independence, self
esteem AND teamwork. Encourage family members to express their views and feelings in
respectful ways to each other (no yelling, insulting, talking down to others, etc.).
o Define the conflict. Work together to make sure members know exactly what the problem is in
clear and specific language.
o Reflect back. Control your passions! Repeat back to the other members what they are asking
for and what they are needing to ensure each person understands and each person feels heard.
Ask them to do the same.
o Be optimistic and make it clear that the goal is to come to a win-win whenever possible.
o Accept that conflict can be a little uncomfortable, and that’s ok.
Remember: It’s not the end of the world if a family member steps over the line. In fact,
working through controversy and conflict as a team and in a respectful way helps each
individual member develop confidence in the family as a group!
How does your family respond when there is disagreement? Does everyone have the opportunity
to be heard?
Heather Remer, INCAF
by admin | Jun 12, 2015 | Family Counseling, Marriage Counseling
Nowadays, it seems that many people are experiencing some sort of change such as moving to a
new state, loss or creation of a job, personal issues coming to the forefront or maybe family
challenges. These are all changes that happen as a result of something. The challenge is how to
successfully manage the change, which often times comes quickly. Here are 10 ways to manage
change.
1. Expect to be uncomfortable. It’s normal!
2. Focus on the now. That could possibly mean letting go of the past or any hope that the past
could have been any different.
3. The change process takes a considerable amount of time to stabilize and to work. Be patient
with yourself and others. Nevertheless, don’t get too comfortable and think things will not change
again. They will…
4. Establish a clearly defined vision of the end result. This allows you to define the best path for
accomplishing your results
5. Don’t panic and rush to make decisions; just go with the flow
6. Listen to your body and be good to yourself. Take deep breaths and become gratitude focused,
especially when you are feeling down. Just think, it could be worse.
7. Know your stress relievers and develop new ones
8. Reflect on your past experiences of change to see how they may be helping you or holding you
back. You can do this by identifying and removing any ingrained assumptions that are not
benefiting you at this time, such as “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”
9. Maintain your integrity, even if it’s uncomfortable at the time. “Truth” is more important during
periods of change and uncertainty than good news
10. Trust is earned by those who demonstrate consistent behavior and clearly defined values
Take time to manage your thoughts, relax your physical body and focus on the present as you
transition!
by admin | Jun 12, 2015 | Children Therapy, Family Counseling
Beeping, Buzzing. Is technology helping or tearing your family apart?
Technology: skill, know how, knowledge, equipment, tools and expertise are all very
necessary to compete in today’s world. But how much is enough?
We recognize our ring tones faster than our family’s voices. We have different
sounds for each person, our alarms, text messages and messages sent and received.
Our worlds are very noisy, it’s no surprise we don’t hear each other.
So how can we balance the convenience of today’s technology with the necessity of
connection and communication with our family?
