15 MORE Phrases Step Children Long to Hear

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Children Therapy, Family Counseling

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15 MORE Phrases Step Children Long to Hear

  1. I missed having you around today.
  2. You’re such a good helper.
  3. I’m proud of you!
  4. Way to go!
  5. I knew you could do it!
  6. God made a masterpiece when He made you. You are such a treasure!
  7. You are one of God’s greatest gifts to me.
  8. I’m behind you.
  9. I’m praying for you.
  10. That was so responsible.
  11. You’re a joy.
  12. How did you get so smart?
  13. That was so creative.
  14. Hurray for you!
  15. Thank you.

For more in-depth help with communicating with your step children, contact the step family therapists at the Center For Family Unity today.

15 Phrases Step Children Long to Hear

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Children Therapy, Family Counseling

BLOG-15-Phrases-Step-Children-Long-to-Hear-Draft

15 Phrases Step Children Long to Hear

  1. I love spending time with you.
  2. I’ll never forget the day you I met you
  3. I like you!
  4. You are so beautiful/handsome!
  5. You are a great friend!
  6. You’ll make a wonderful wife/husband some day!
  7. Thanks for cleaning your room.
  8. You did a great job.
  9. You teach me so much about life.
  10. You’re so strong!
  11. I can always count on you.
  12. I trust you.
  13. You are God’s special gift to me.
  14. You light up my day.
  15. My favorite part of the week is when you come to visit

Want more in-depth help communicating with your step children? The blended family counselors at The Center for Family Unity can help. Contact us today to schedule a free 20 minute consultation.

Letting Go of Grudges

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Family Counseling

Do you hold grudges with your step children or ex-spouse? Have you placed them permanently on your “bad” list because they’ve hurt you?

When you make a mistake as a step parent, is it difficult for you to stop dwelling on it, and kicking yourself?

Do you spend a lot of time living in the past? Reliving the glory days and replaying what could have been with your blended family?

Letting go can be an empowering act—when you practice letting go you often become more courageous, compassionate, forgiving and loving. Do you need help learning how to move on? Contact the Center for Family Unity for support.

How To Ease the Transition For Your Children In Your New Blended Family

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Children Therapy, Family Counseling

In order to function well at work and in your relationships, you need to know your children are doing well, and that their needs are being taken care of. Here are ten strategies that will help you ease the transition for your children in your newly blended family.

  • Tell your children up front that their step parent is not there to replace their biological parent. Reassure them their biological parent will always be their mom or dad and that there is no expectation to call their new step parent mom or dad.
  • Let your children know it’s okay if they don’t love their step parent like you do. Nevertheless, they do need to treat them with respect. The same is true for their step siblings.
  • Plan regular parent-child dates with your biological children. And don’t ever cancel! Give them your precious time—your undivided attention. It can be as little as 15 minutes a day, but it must be consistent. While buying them new toys or planning fancy trips may seem like a way to show your love for them, it cannot ever replace you. Your kids want you. Be there.
  • Help your kids understand the non-negotiable behavior rules of your home by placing them in a prominent area. Let them know they will be disciplined if they break these rules and that your new spouse will discipline them if you are not home to do it.
  • Give everyone time and space to form new relationships. Don’t force the family to do everything as a family unit. Too much forced togetherness backfires.
  • Keep your own expectations realistic. Building a secure blended family takes years of commitment. The effort you put into your relationship with your step children may take years to fully develop.
  • Learn about gender differences. General research shows girls have more difficulty accepting step fathers than boys, and girls are more uncomfortable with a step father’s physical affection than boys. Girls may also express dislike of their step mother, picking up the biological mother’s anger, and acting in solidarity with her. This behavior dissipates if the biological mother tells the daughter being angry and disrespectful to the step mother is not an option.
  • Learn about affection. Both girls and boys prefer verbal affection over hugs. If the kids are shying away from physical touch, give them the space they need.
  • Find something each child is doing right and encourage them. Tell them how much you respect or appreciate the fact that they do this or that. Write them a note that tells them how much they mean to you and sneak it in their lunch box. Send them an unexpected text during the day recognizing them for something they’ve done well. Be creative and let them know you noticed.
  • Accept the reality that it is normal to love your own biological children more that your step children, even when your intention is to love them as your own.

Therapists at The Center for Family Unity can help you strengthen the bonds in your blended family and ease any transitions you may be struggling with. We invite you to book a free 20 minute consultation on our website. Contact us today.

Step Parents: Are You Too Busy?

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Family Counseling

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Step Parents: Are You Too Busy?

Take This Quiz to Find Out

  1. Are you constantly trying to catch up?
  2. Do you agree to handle “urgent” to-do’s that your step family dumps on you at the last minute?
  3. Are you always tired and exhausted from running without a break?
  4. Do you resent your family for expecting so much and supporting you so little?
  5. Do you fill days off with activities so you’re unable to rest and rejuvenate?
  6. Are you allowing your step children to “guilt you” into dropping your schedule for theirs?
  7. Is it difficult to make time for “self-care” activities like exercise, relaxing or hobbies?
  8. Do you rarely find the time to do the things you really love?
  9. Do you respond to interruptions from your step family and all them to take you off track?
  10. Are other people complaining your schedule doesn’t allow enough time for them?

If this sounds all too familiar, you may have difficulty managing your time and emotions. The Center For Family Unity can help. Contact us for a free 20 minute step family session.

Step Parent Roles

by | Jun 13, 2015 | Family Counseling

Step Parent Roles

Step parents play one of three roles:

As a new step parent you often need to play the babysitter role. Your spouse needs to tell your step child he or she is expected to respect the rules you enforce in their absence; just as they would do if a babysitter was hired.

With time, you’ll move into the role we call “the cool aunt or uncle.” At this stage we encourage you to schedule one-on-one “date nights” with your step child that revolve around his or her interests. You’ll have limited authority in this season. But, be patient. You’re earning the right to have more.

Eventually, you’ll move into the seasoned step parent role. This is when your relationship with your step child naturally includes discipline, nurturing, guiding, teaching and counseling.

Do you need help establishing and understanding how to operate in your current role? Contact us today to get help from our blended family therapists.