If you are wondering how to fix your marriage, be encouraged! It shows you are aware things need to change in a marriage that just isn’t working anymore. The fact you are looking for a solution to fix your marriage shows you believe (at least to some degree) that it can be fixed. This is an excellent starting point. Good for you for considering your marriage worthwhile enough to find out how to fix it.
You may have tried a number of things to fix the problem and found that nothing seems to work—and the situation has yet to improve. It’s discouraging to clearly see what’s wrong and not have any idea of how to fix your marriage. Often, the longer the situation goes on, the more unbearable it becomes.
Considering Professional Help
You are not alone in reaching this point. Many couples in a troubled marriage find themselves in the same position. The couples that decide to get professional help stand a far better chance of restoring their marriage as opposed to those that forgo professional help. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists reports 98% of the couples utilizing services provided by family therapists rated the services from good to excellent, and received the help they needed. In addition, after working with a marriage or family therapist, 93% of patients said they had more effective tools for dealing with their problems.
There is no magic bullet when it comes to fixing a marriage. It took time to create this web of frustration and it will take some time to clear it away. That’s why it’s really important to begin working with a marriage or family therapist as soon as you’re both willing to do so—as you don’t want to wait until one of you is so disheartened that you’ve given up and decided you are unwilling to even try anymore.
Taking the Right Steps
The fix your broken marriage, we encourage you to take a few steps, right now. First, complete the following sentences so that you can really clarify the concerns you have about your marriage. Then, contact us to schedule a free 15 minute consultation so you can see how we can help you with your desire to find out how to fix your marriage.
The biggest problem in my marriage is ____________________________.
I can’t forgive my spouse for____________________________________.
I would love my spouse to _____________________________________.
When we have a conflict ______________________________________.
I need help with _____________________________________________.
The counselors at The Center for Family Unity have extensive training in couples counseling and marital therapy. We have helped countless couples turn their marriages around. It’s your turn.
Society says these are all justifiable reasons to divorce. Society encourages you believe the pain of divorce is worth the possibility of a better future, where your personal desires are met fully. When you are miserable, the grass always looks greener on the other side and society encourages the belief that divorce is a means of problem solving.
What does the Bible say about divorce?
God declares in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce!” Notice as you read this, God does not say He hates the person who divorces their mate. God loves His children, and wants the best for them, even when they go against His plan for their lives. Nowhere in the Bible do we read divorce is permissible because we have fallen out of love, or the physical attraction is gone. It is never His plan for us to divorce because we have nothing in common, or feel we are not getting our needs met. God had a very different plan for marriage. If you have given up hope for your marriage, and see no option but divorce, this may be hard to read.
What does the Bible say about God’s purpose in marriage?
Genesis tells us God created male and female in his image (Gen 1:27). God decided it was not good for man to be alone, and created a suitable helper for him (Gen 2:18). God planned for the man and the woman to marry when He said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh (Gen 2:24).” God had several purposes in mind for this union or marriage. First, he wanted the couple to share companionship and complete each other. They were to mirror His image for the rest of the world, and to nurture their children multiplying a Godly legacy. Is the state of your marriage so far removed from this Biblical description of marriage, there is no evidence you are a believer? Be encouraged. God is not finished with you or your marriage.
What does the Bible say about divorce being OK? Are there exceptions?
The Bible says divorce is permissible in the case of adultery or marital unfaithfulness (Matt 5:31-32). The key word here is that it is permissible. Divorce is an option. There is no command to divorce. Paul wrote divorce was permissible on the grounds of desertion by the unbelieving spouse, who is married to a believer (1 Cor 7:15). Physical, sexual, and mental abuse, that endangers a spouse or child, is punishable by law. Most Christian faiths consider divorce acceptable in the case of abuse and endangerment. Mark 10: 2-12 says, “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” It is clear – no Biblical grounds for divorce exist on the basis of incompatibility, poor communication, lack of love, growing apart over time, or the myriad of other reasons justified by society.
If you are Christian considering divorce, make an appointment at The Center for Family Unity. We are experts in helping couples work through and heal from the seemingly unsolvable issues leading couples to consider divorce. We deal daily with the consequences of divorce – the confusion and pain it can bring children when a marriage is destroyed, and the disappointment that follows in realizing divorce wasn’t a solution – it was just a means to trade one set of problems for another set of often more complex problems.
As Christian counselors, we know nothing is impossible for the God that not only created marriage, but also wants to restore your marriage. We can help you learn to forgive, and be set free from pain and bitterness. We will support you as you seek God’s wisdom, healing, and peace, and a fresh beginning.
Be encouraged. God is not finished with you or your marriage. This post was written for you, for this time in your life. “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future, and a hope (Jer 29:11).” Contact us today to schedule your free 20 minute consultation.
Tanya felt like she couldn’t breathe when John told her he’d been having an affair. She was shocked, sad, and angry—all at the same time. The details of the affair exploded like a mine field in the deepest part of her heart. John couldn’t get the words out fast enough—telling her how keeping the affair a secret had eaten away at him—and how the guilt kept him up at night. He promised her it was over, and that the other woman meant nothing to him. He wanted to unburden himself and clear his conscious. He said he couldn’t carry the guilt for even one more day. John begged Tanya to forgive him, telling her he desperately wished it had never happened. Tanya could do nothing other than stare at him—in shock and disbelief.
When an affair is revealed, spouses are in very different places emotionally. The person confessing is often anxious to put an end to the guilt they have been carrying. Confessing often gives them a sense of relief and a belief the guilt will subside. There may be truth to them saying the affair is over and that it meant nothing to them. In the course of confessing, they will likely desperately beg for forgiveness and the opportunity to rebuild their marriage.
The spouse that has been betrayed often struggles to process the details of the affair—it’s too much, too fast. It is heart-crushing to learn the person you trusted most in your life has betrayed you. There is a long list of questions. Who was the other lover? When did it start? Why did it start? How could this happen? It’s deeply confusing— especially for those that believed they were happily married. You may love your spouse deeply. In fact, you may have darling children, even another on the way when you receive this devastating news. What now?
Can Your Marriage Be Saved?
It is possible for your marriage to be saved, when both of you are committed to the hard work of repairing what has been broken. There needs to be an understanding of what led to the decision to have an affair to begin with and the realization of the depth of destruction the affair has caused. The ability to forgive will be central to the healing of both parties. Forgiveness of the affair may not restore trust—as trust is earned with the currency of trustworthy behavior over time. You may choose, as a couple, to work diligently to save your marriage, or one of you may want to fight for the marriage when the other wants to give up. Some may choose to save the marriage for the sake of the children, finances, or simply because they vowed, “until death do us part.”
Regardless of your circumstances, the counselors at The Center for Family Unity can provide support in working through the painful aftermath that follows the confession of an affair, and the decisions that follow. If you would like to learn to forgive the seemingly unforgivable, read our blog post The Truth About Forgiveness and schedule an appointment with our affair repair therapists.
